The truth of the matter is, we go from being “straight men” to fucking them and there are issues that come with that.Įven though I have spent four years being in the Black community, I can tell you I still say have no idea what it means to be a Black gay man. We as youth look up to individuals who are still looking for their own identity. We are in an era where we are still learning what it means to be Gay and what it means to be in a healthy relationship and, sometimes, we fall short of that. In 2021, being gay and being socially expressive is something that is still new in our world. It was not long after that I realized that the same people I looked up to were also the people who would let me down.Īs humans, we build ourselves based on the relationships we make. It was the first time I saw Black men who were fully comfortable in their own sexuality and I wanted it. During my break from school, I built strong relationships with some Black Gay men who became my idols. That all changed when I took a break from my white institution and engulfed myself into the world of the District of Columbia.
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TV shows like “Queer as Folk,” a program I snuck to watch, did not have Black gay characters and Davey Wavey, the white gay YouTube star I looked up to, did not discuss race, so going to college I was the only Black Gay man in the world and, oh, how that task. Up until this point, there were no Black Gay men in my life to befriend and as someone who went to a 100% African American school, I never found another man I could find solace in over my sexuality. I thought as a Black Gay man I was the conundrum that people only heard about in myths.
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I fear that the relationships I build will hurt me and I fear that the life I always thought I wanted was something that did more damage than good.Īs funny as it sounds, when I got to college, I thought I was an anomaly. As much as I crave the community of other Black gay men, I also fear it. If I were asked a year ago, it would be the easiest thing in the world, back when my life revolved around being what I deemed a “Black Gay Man.” However, as of recently, I am at a loss for words when it comes to this idea of Black gay men. I am tasked with writing an article about Gay Black men, one of the hardest things I must do to date.